What Do I Say to my Young Adult

Tips on Talking and Role Modeling

Even though your child is now a legal adult, they still look to you for guidance as they navigate this new stage of life. Your actions, choices, and values continue to influence them, and they may seek your advice when faced with important decisions.

Starting the Conversation: Talking with Your College Student About Alcohol

Discussing alcohol isn’t always easy. It might feel uncomfortable for both you and your child. When the moment feels right, approach the topic openly and let them know you’d like to talk. Remember, they’re seeking independence, so it’s important to listen to their thoughts, too. If they’re not ready to talk, don’t push it. Giving them space shows respect for their independence, and you can try again later.

Your child may react in different ways, including:

• Suspicion about your sudden interest
• Doubt that you’ll understand or respect their views
• Fear of being lectured
• Indifference or lack of concern
• Annoyance over perceived invasion of privacy

These reactions don’t necessarily mean they don’t want to talk about alcohol or other drugs. Your approach and reaction can make all the difference. Aim to communicate:

• Care and concern
• A genuine desire to understand
• Respect for their privacy and independence

Before the Conversation: Be Informed

Equip yourself with accurate information to share with your child, including:

• How alcohol affects the body
• The potential consequences of alcohol use, such as:
  • Legal issues (including school-related consequences)
  • Academic struggles linked to heavy drinking
  • Increased risk of violence, accidents, and injuries
  • Risk of sexual assault
  • Strained relationships
  • Health impacts
• Strategies for saying no to peer pressure
• Positive ways to get involved on campus/community
• Answers to common myths and misconceptions

What to Say: Starting the Conversation

Your young adult is seeking more independence and likely feels they already know about alcohol and drugs. Starting the conversation with open-ended questions can help ease into the topic:

• “What are you most excited about for college?”
• “Is there anything you’re feeling unsure about?”
• “What do you think college life will be like?”

Once they start talking, you can naturally transition to discussing alcohol and drugs. Approach it as a conversation, not a lecture, to show respect and trust. Try asking:

• “What are your thoughts on alcohol and drugs?”
• “How do you plan to handle situations where you’re offered alcohol or drugs?”
• “If you ever face challenges at school, who do you feel comfortable turning to for help?”

Sharing Information

Before wrapping up the conversation, share important facts in a non-judgmental way:

• “Did you know that marijuana can affect memory and learning? That can make doing well in classes more challenging.”
• “Binge drinking is defined as 4 or more drinks for women and 5 or more for men. It can have serious health risks.”

Setting Expectations

Make sure your child knows they can come to you with questions or concerns about alcohol or drugs. Clearly communicate your expectations, such as:

• “I want you to know that no matter what, you can always come to me for help or advice.”
• “Your education is a top priority. I want you to enjoy college but avoid drinking until you’re 21.”
• “I know there may be times of temptation, but I expect you to wait until you’re 21 to drink. I’m always here if you need to talk.”

Role Modeling: Leading by Example

Your actions can strongly influence your child’s choices. Positive role modeling includes:

• Drinking responsibly and not in high-risk situations (e.g., before driving)
• Seeking help if you have alcohol-related issues
• Avoiding stories about risky drinking from your past, as they might be misinterpreted as approval

If you’ve already shared stories, have a follow-up conversation to clarify your expectations and emphasize the importance of making responsible choices.

Practicing Low-Risk Alcohol Use

If you choose to drink, demonstrate responsible habits:

• Have a plan before you start drinking, including how you’ll get home safely.
• Limit yourself to one standard drink per hour.
• Set a personal limit of no more than three drinks (for women) or four (for men).
• Avoid using alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress or as a requirement for celebration.

Communicating Through Text

Sometimes texting is the easiest way to reach your young adult. Here are some supportive and non-intrusive examples:

Remember: Look. Listen. Love.

Your presence, understanding, and support matter. By being there, listening without judgment, and expressing unconditional love, you can positively influence your young adult’s decisions and help them navigate this exciting and challenging time in their life.